loser in everything i had

I know what his thinking, I know what his hoping and what he want.
But I pretend to dont know and keep asking what his thinking.
Human always conflict, always dont know what they want. But actually, they are more likely to act as they dont know what they want. They try to escape, dont wanna fix what they are facing. It is human nature. Is normal, girl, you are normal, dont think that yourselves is abnormal. =)

I always pretend, always pretend to not care about anything. I always pretend do nothing. I let my mind fly itself. actually, I know what I want.

I want you.
I want you love me.
I want you care me.
I want you give me what I want.
I want you accept what I have.
I want you approve what I decide.
I want you listen what I feel.
I want you remember what I said.
I want you.
I want you.
I want you.
I want you.
BUT.
I dont want myself become so vexatious and selfish.
That its!
Is vexatious, I feel shame to its.
I want myself to become perfect.
I try to maintain my family, my friends and my ONLY ONE.
But I fail to do it.
I've try to make everyone beside me feel happy with me.
I want my family proud to has a girl obedient to them.
I want my friend happy to has a good friend as me.
I want my only one confident to me as a perfect girlfriend.

But now, Im feeling tired. Since I cant done what I want.

I cant make a good grades in my academic, I know actually my parent was dissapointed.
I cant always promises my friends, when they are hoping to happy together, I leave them and stay at home.
I cant make my ONE happy everyday, I know he will tired, everyday take care me, worry me, tease me happy.

Feel that myself is useless and tired.
What life am I having.
Fail in everything I want.
Is loser.